NFL Week 5 Recap

Roughing the writer!

What are you doing?! You can't fucking click on the article that hard, you asshole! You could've killed me! I can't believe you would be so reckless and out-of-control. That could've been catastrophic. I'm lucky to be breathing if we're being honest.

That'll be a 5-line penalty from the end of the sentence, so you'll have to go back to the top of the article and start over. Be grateful you aren't getting fined.

Hope y'all are enjoying the spooky season so far.

I was thinking of dressing up as a ghost this year. My Allen Robinson jersey should be in the mail any day now.

The week started off with the Broncos in primetime. As if Thursdays aren't hard enough, many of us actually sat down after a long day to watch Russell Wilson and Matt Ryan attempt to play the game of football. And the result was an ugly field-goal-fest between two QBs who have both seen better days.

Wilson gave the game away with a late-game redzone interception up 9-6 with only 2 minutes left. The Colts of course tied the game after that, and fans were treated to a riveting 9-9 game at the end of regulation. It seemed like everyone, even Broncos fans who paid real money to attend the game, let out a collective groan at the realization that the game had to continue. Leave it to these two teams to make overtime dull. Fans in the stadium actually started filing out before the OT period could even begin.

The Colts were able to get a field goal on their first OT possession, which left Wilson with one chance left to save his team. A screen to Melvin Gordon and a throw to a wide-open Jerry Jeudy had them inside the 20 in two plays, but they were ultimately confronted by a 4th and 1 on the 5-yard line. A chip-shot field goal would have tied it, but Broncos coach Nathaniel Hackett elected to go for it since that seemed like the only way they could win the game instead of settling for a tie. Honestly, understandable. The ensuing clusterfuck, though, casted even more doubt on the capability of this team.

Needing one single solitary yard to convert (which would've given them a 1st and Goal at the 4-yard line), Russ lined up in shotgun and dropped back to pass. Right about now was where the Seahawks/Patriots Super Bowl flashbacks started flooding in. Russ attempted to thread one in to Courtland Sutton in the back of a crowded endzone, and the pass was broken up by none other than Stephon Gilmore, who picked off Russ at the end of regulation. Not running the ball? Hmm. Testing the guy who intercepted you about 20 minutes ago when you gave the game away? Hmmm.

Even more hmmm, Wilson actually had a wide open KJ Hamler on a short crossing route, which it seemed like the play was designed for. Wilson never looked at him. And Hamler, you could say, was less than pleased.

It was...a disaster. The Broncos' third time on primetime TV in five weeks had most of the country never wanting to see a nationally televised Broncos game for the rest of the season. And this Monday night, we get to look forward to... *checks notes* ... Broncos @ Chargers.

Spooky season, indeed.

Elsewhere around the league, the best QB in the entire league got to showcase his skills in London. Oh, and Aaron Rodgers was there, too. Danny Dimes handled business against the Packers (with perhaps a smidgen of help from Saquon Barkley). Oh, and some guy was giving out handjobs on the Giants sideline.

The Patriots blanked one of the highest-scoring offenses, the Detroit Lio– wait...

Sorry just wanted to make sure I was seeing that correctly. Ahem...one of the highest-scoring offenses, the Detroit Lions.

The Eagles remained undefeated against Arizona. The Panthers were so bad they fired their coach. The Rams' Super Bowl hangover continued against the Dak-less Cowboys. The Saints beat the Seahawks and continued to force Taysom Hill on our existence. Refs called some of the worst Roughing The Passer penalties I've ever seen. And Kansas City narrowly escaped the Raiders on Monday night. The cameraman, however, could not escape Davante Adams.

Roughing the cameraman!!

See y'all next week.

Broncos Country, let's ride.